i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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