we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
