1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
