She said her name was "party"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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