i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I love having hate sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
