I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
