you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
