I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
