I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
