I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
