I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
