i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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