i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
