Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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