all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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