I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
