Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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