We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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