my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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