Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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