this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
