? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
