i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
