I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
