Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize