i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
