I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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