Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
