we'll go far in life on tits alone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
