you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
