Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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