I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
