Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize