YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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