we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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