I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
