just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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