1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
