I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
