you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
