Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
