Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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