wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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