you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
