He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
