I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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