so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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