There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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