I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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