stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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