Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
