hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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