Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
