She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
