I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
