OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My cat gives me a boner
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
