Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
