I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize