he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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