she told me i tasted like america
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
