my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
