If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
