the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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