New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
